Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Rocky Mountain Fly, Part Two

Friday 11am, we showed up to our first house.  It’s really deep into Castle Rock. CR is a beautiful area, it’s just pretty far away from our friends houses and Adam’s job.  My first impression was that the neighborhood looked quaint and very family friendly.  That was until I spotted and empty beer box and cigs in someone’s front yard.  Aside from that one neighbor the rest seemed fine. 

We walked in and found out the listing was incorrect it was 1300 sq feet and did NOT have a basement, oops, guess they forgot the word NOT in the advertisement.  Right away I knew it wouldn’t work, we would have to have a basement with a house that small.  Even if it had a basement I’m not sure I would have taken it.  The whole house needed to be painted and the baseboards were a disaster.  Baseboards are the way I gauge a house.  If the owner is meticulous enough to clean baseboards and keep them looking fresh the entire house will be well maintained.  I left feeling defeated because we just driven an hour in one direction for nothing.  Adam thought it was a success because our first listing in Louisville had wild animals living in it and the second house had 3 inches of standing water in the basement.  Different Strokes.   Our next listing was in Centennial.  It was so far east that I thought we had actually crossed into Nebraska, and I’m certain I saw at least three tumbleweeds.  It was also right by a toll road so we’d be forced to take it regularly or drive around it to avoid it, who the eff wants to live by a toll road?  Not this girl. 

“Adam, I’m not living there.  Let’s skip it.  Plus I’m hungry.  It’s 2pm my time and I haven’t had lunch.”
“Oh now…you’re fine. Let’s just go look, it might be great.”
“1) It’s not great, 2) It’s not in a great part of town, 3) It’s 39 minutes away from Erica’s house and 37 from The Cottrell’s house, 4) I’m starving and 5) This is turning out to be as bad as the Louisville trip!”
“Mary, it’s fine.  This trip is already way better than the Louisville trip.  We haven’t seen any raccoons or possum living in the houses.”
“REALLY ADAM?  That’s how you gauge success???  The absence of wild animals in these homes automatically makes it a success?”
*Adam thoughtfully scratches his chin and responds:
“….and urine.  None of these homes smell like pee.”

Exasperated I reluctantly looked at the house.  It wasn’t horrible, and if it would have been in Littleton or Highlands Ranch I would have seriously considered it.  But being that far away from everyone and his job made it an automatic NO.

After reminding Adam that I was right and going all the way to Nebraksa was a waste of time I finally got to eat lunch at 3pm my time.  And you can bet your ass I was pretty crabby.  We headed back down to Castle Rock for our final showing for the day.  This house was in the largest subdivision I had ever seen.  There were easily 1,000 homes all so close that you could stand in between them and still touch the houses.  This house had an odd set up, you entered into the dining room.  It was new and nice but it was hard to focus when all the junk in the house and the smell.  I didn’t smell like B.O., but it did smell like people…like elderly people who don’t shower often enough.  It was so gross, and there was so much crap everywhere I almost had an anxiety attack.  There were books, THOUSANDS of books, piled everywhere.  We again decided the location was far from ideal and the road leading in and out was packed at all times.   Fail.

It was supposed to snow 8-14 inches that night and next day.  For that reason we had only one more showing and it was on Sunday before we left.  But on the way back to the hotel we stopped so I could buy a coat and shirt since, like a moron, I had forgotten to pack those items. 

We spent the next day with The Cottrell’s (Jason and Kristi) and our friend Matt.  After a fun game of Quizzle I poured myself a glass of wine and Jason poured the rest of the bottle, which was 3/4 full, in a giant wine glass.  Eventually we ended up playing beer pong and Jason and I kept cheers-ing each other and saying, “To you, kind sir.”  We thought we were *hilarious.* To say I ended up with a lot of wine on my cardigan is an understatement.

Here JJ is writing a rap, per the instruction of Quizzle.

Here I’ve clearly lost interest and started feeding their dogs Cheetos.  I’m the worst.

Sunday was daylight savings time, my least favorite day of the year.  Luckily I was still on East Coast time so I didn’t feel like I got jipped on sleep.  We went to our next showing which was a townhouse.  The house on the internet looked absolutely beautiful.  We drove by it the day earlier and thought it kind of looked dumpy from the outside and thought there’s no way the pictures we saw were from that house.  In fact, I declared that I was 85% sure it was a scam.  We circled the block and discussed at length how we thought it was a scam.  I was secretly hoping it was because I didn’t want to live in a townhome without a yard or fence. Adam just doesn’t understand how inconvenient it is to take your dog out on a leash 400 times a day because he’s exactly 0% help with the dogs even thought HE insisted we get them. 

Sure enough it was the house from the pictures. Beautiful, updated, clean baseboards.  And no yard.  So what do the Geis’ do?  They slap down a deposit!  And here I sit, with complete buyers remorse.  I’m usually so sassy and can convince anyone of anything, but when it comes to Adam I fold every time.  He’s like a genie or hypnotist.  So, not only did we NOT buy a house (like I wanted), we rented an effing townhouse without a fence or yard.  FML. 

OH!  And I forgot to mention the best part; it’s not available until April 15th. So that means I’m going to be homeless for 2 weeks.  Guess I’ll be living the like a gypsy for 2 weeks.  Awesome. 


  1. No fence or yard?? Even miss Paisley (who doesn't exercise, and considers walking a form of torture) requires a yard!

    1. I know! Currently we have a large yard but no fence, which is pointless. Two days after having to take them out on leashes I declared, Mikal, DECLARED that I was never doing this again. I guess my declarations don't mean anything. I can't believe I let him talk me into ANOTHER house without a fence.